Suicide is not an easy topic to approach. If someone opens up to you about their own struggles with suicide, it can be hard to know how to respond. The church is a place where hurting people receive comfort and shelter. As the hands and feet of Jesus, it's important that we don't shy away from those in need. This includes protecting and helping people who struggle with suicide.
Before we continue, I must let you know that I am not a trained professional. I am a sophomore Psychology major who's mostly studied Pavlov (you know the guy with the ringing bells and drooling dogs?). Despite my lack of formal training, I do have an intimate relationship with the impact of mental Illness. After all, I am a member of Gen Z who, according to this APA study, is least likely to say they have good mental health. This is something that can't be taught. I've also been part of the Christian community my entire life and have seen the negative and positive ways that Christians have dealt with suicide. I believe we can learn from those experiences. So, think of this post as an inside look into the experience of Christians with mental Illness.
Things to avoid
I'd like to help us stop harmful knee-jerk reactions to someone sharing that they've thought about suicide. Sometimes, it's obvious that someone is struggling and other times it's not. Even the most God-loving, successful person can struggle with thoughts of suicide. Our initial reactions aren't always helpful, especially when we aren't prepared. So here's what to avoid:
Ghosting
Unfortunately, ghosting doesn't just happen in the dating scene. I've heard of people in the Church cutting ties with people in need after they opened up about their thoughts of suicide. I understand why people would want to ghost someone. Suicide is an uncomfortable topic, but shying away from it only tells the hurting person that sharing their pain scares people away. The last thing we want is for people to feel like they have to hide their struggles.
Preaching about the sinfulness of suicide.
This may ruffle some feathers, but talking about how sinful suicide is doesn't help the person struggling with those thoughts. The person already knows it's bad for them, that's why they're telling you. They're seeking connection. Their reaching for help. Ranting about it being a sin won't stop their struggle because they need extra support outside of themselves. There are times when their own will is not enough. Referencing the sin of suicide just makes them feel shame and want to hide their struggle from you. That gets lonely. They need friends saying, "This struggle is so heavy. Can I help you carry it?"
The "they just want attention" mentality.
First of all, yeah they do want to bring attention to their struggle. Because if it goes ignored, they won't get help and they won't get better. Sometimes it's beyond a person's capability to deal with their struggles all on their own. Even if they can manage on their own, it's not how God designed us. God said, "It's not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2:8) which is why he made Adam and Eve. God understands that everyone needs support. We were designed to do things together, so it's crucial that we listen when people ask for help.
Secondly, treating a person like an "attention-seeker" will make that person hide their struggle. It takes a lot of effort and bravery to open up to someone about thoughts of suicide. Treating them like an attention seeker makes them feel invalidated and like they have to hide their pain. That's a lonely path. Regardless of what you think, the person is going to struggle whether they talk about it or not.
What to do instead
1. Acknowledge what they've said and the bravery it took for them to share that with you. "I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Thank you for sharing your struggles with me. You are brave for doing that."
2. Ask questions. "Are you feeling safe right now?" Perhaps they are sharing because they are currently in crisis mode and they may need help getting to the ER or need other assistance. Or it's something they've dealt with frequently, but aren't in crisis mode right now. Asking them if they are feeling safe at this moment is a good way to gauge what they need.
3. Offer to help them find resources. Churches and community resources are often easy to find by speaking with a church employee or a quick Google search.
4. Continue to be in their life. Check-in on them regularly. A quick, "Hey, how are you doing?" text can be a huge comfort. Offer to go with them to an appointment, run errands with them, invite them to lunch, send them memes, etc. Being an active part of their life shows them that their struggle didn't scare you away and that they don't have to hide their pain. Knowing someone hears and cares can be incredibly life-giving.
5. Pray for them. Trying to help someone who is struggling with suicide can be overwhelming. It can seem too heavy for us to carry. Thankfully, we have a strong God who cares about all of us. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
Resources
Here's a compilation of resources to further prepare you to help those in need.
This is information posted by the National helpline for what to do in the event that a person is facing a crisis. The number 988 can also be dialed to reach the helpline.
This is a step-by-step guide for talking to someone who's struggling with suicidal thoughts.
This is a free course on preventing teen suicide.
Grounding Tools
Use the 5 senses to help your friend get out of crisis mode. Touch (a cube of ice), smell (a cup of coffee), taste (a cookie), sight (photos of loved ones), and hearing (music). Engaging the senses helps regulate th body by directing the attention away from strong emotions.
A note on crisis lines
The National Crisis Line has made it easier than ever to call by changing their number to 988. However, it can take a while to be connected with a person since this line covers the whole nation. Calling local crisis lines will give you a better chance at connecting with a person quickly. In addition, the local lines may have knowledge of resources in your area that you may not know about.
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